The First Time They Met
by jublke
Summary: What if Han and Leia had met earlier? Rated T for mild torture and implied suicidal thoughts. AU
1. The Memory

There's a line in Episode IV where C3PO announces that "There'll be no escape for the Princess this time." I started to wonder when Leia had been captured before at the same time that I thought it would be fun if Han and Leia had met earlier.

It was not fun for them. This dark little piece is the result. Warnings for mild torture and implied suicidal thoughts.

This story is a work of fan-fiction. _Star Wars_ and its related characters were conceived by George Lucas and are now owned by Disney. I own none of this.

My thanks to my husband for beta-reading this for me. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

For purposes of this story, Han joined the Academy to get away from Shrike and he and Leia are closer in age than the ten years that we see in canon. Although this is AU, I did try to loosely follow canon and parts of the EU that aided the story. If you see something that would be better explained by canon or the _Star Wars_ EU, please drop me a line. Thanks!

* * *

Han Solo awoke drenched in sweat. It wasn't often that he dreamt of his time in Imperial Starfleet. Even when he did, consciousness would chase away those vague, wispy bits of awareness. You don't want to remember, his mind warned. And so, Han had blocked out nearly all of his life before Chewie, of the time he had been known as Hanford Solomon: abandoned child, abused thief, Academy student, Imperial flunkie. Years ago, it had taken conscious effort not to remember, but now Han suppressed any recollections automatically. Any vague flickers of his previous life and he immediately turned his mind over to other thoughts. Never dwell on the past. It was the main reason why he never spoke of his childhood. There were gaps in his memory wide enough to fly an Imperial cruiser through.

But now, Han couldn't forget. This nightmare was too horrific, too real. He had never forgotten the incident, but the details had blurred with time. Now he remembered the event with clarity and a detail he had overlooked at the time clicked into place. Looking down at his beautiful wife, he shuddered. Her luminous brown eyes, closed in sleep, trusted him implicitly. He began to shake, hard, tears springing to his eyes before he could stop them, the bile rising in his throat. He bolted out of bed and ran to the refresher. He barely managed to get the door locked and the shower running before the keening began.

* * *

Leia awoke suddenly, her Force sense telling her that something was very wrong. She felt Han's empty side of the bed at the same time that she registered an odd noise over the sound of the shower. Was that Han? She left the bed and crept down the hall toward the refresher.

The closer she got, the more obvious it became. Han was crying. Leia felt chills. In all of the time that she had known Han, she had never once seen him cry. Even on their wedding day, as she blubbered her way through their vows, he had stood there, dry-eyed, smiling his crooked smile at her as he held her hands in his.

Leia had no idea what to do. What had happened?

She tried the refresher door. Locked. "Han?" Abruptly, the crying stopped. When he didn't reply, she tried knocking on the door. With more urgency, she called out, "Han?"

His voice was thick. "Taking a shower."

"No, you're not," she insisted, trying and failing to keep a gentle tone. "Han, I heard you. Please let me in."

There was a long silence. Just when she thought he wouldn't answer, he choked out, "I can't." Sounds of retching filled her ears.

Leia was no master of the Force. She wasn't Luke with his uncanny ability to read people's minds. But she could sense waves of desperation and self-loathing pouring off of her husband. She began a mental inventory of what was in the bathroom: razors, pills, scalding hot water ...

"Han!" She pounded on the door. "Let me in!"


	2. The Day at the Academy

Thanks for reading along, Pitdroid and Violet76. :) I know I took Han pretty far OOC in the last chapter. Hopefully, this will explain why. One more chapter to go!

* * *

Han Solo couldn't stop remembering now. The images filling his mind churned his gut. In revulsion, he continued vomiting his stomach contents until there was nothing left.

* * *

It had been a normal day at the Academy. Hanford Solomon had just completed another training run on one of the simulators. Already, he had logged in twice as much flight time as anyone else in his class. He was looking forward to the morning's language immersion course, dreading Imperial history in the afternoon, when there was a knock on his door.

He palmed the door open to reveal Soontir Fel, another young pilot. "The Dean has called a mandatory meeting. Everyone has to report at once."

"Why?" In the brief time that Hanford had been at the Academy, the Dean had never directly addressed the students.

Fel shrugged. "Everyone's headed to the main assembly hall." Hanford followed his fellow trainee down the corridor.

Indeed, it appeared that the entire Academy was assembled, extra seats hastily arranged and squeezed together to accommodate such a large gathering. Hanford took a spot in the middle of the group. It gave him a good view of the podium, with the Dean waiting behind it. Beside the man stood an empty dais.

"Cadets," the Dean began when everyone had taken a seat. "An incident occurred on campus today that threatens the very integrity of the Academy. Obedience, discipline, and loyalty are the foundations of this institution. You are the future of the Imperial Navy. Your behavior must comply with the strictest guidelines set forth by the Emperor. Duplicity will not be tolerated."

Hanford shifted uncomfortably in the folding chair and wondered how long this little motivational speech was going to take.

"It has come to my attention that there are dissenters in our midst. Unlike you, my dutiful students, these traitors have no loyalty. They are brainwashed to disobey. We must stop them." He paused for effect. "They must be reprogrammed to behave. It is for their own safety."

With that, the Dean gestured toward the door. Two stormtroopers carried in a girl, one on either side of her, holding her up by the arms. She was tiny, wearing an ivory-colored dress with matching white boots. Despite her small size, she wasn't making it easy for the stormtroopers. She fought like a wampa, dark tresses flailing in all directions, snarling at the Dean. Kicking one of her captors in the groin, she yelled, "I hate you! Let me go!"

"This girl," the Dean said, "is a prime example of what can happen to a child without proper discipline and training." He cast a disparaging glance at his captive. "Despite her young age, she is both a traitor and a spy. She was found carrying anti-Imperial propaganda on campus. At the time of her arrest, she was speaking out against the Emperor and seeking to incite a riot."

A collective gasp arose from the group, followed by jeers and catcalls. Hanford was surprised by such anger toward the girl. She was barely into her teens, if that. The girl reminded him of himself at a younger age, tough and wary.

"Fortunately, a student alerted me to her plans. He is to be commended. She has shown no remorse for her actions. She must be made to understand the consequences of this treason." The Dean paused as the stormtroopers placed the girl on the dais. With the punch of a button, an energy shield surrounded her. She made the mistake of throwing a punch in the Dean's direction. Her resounding shriek echoed throughout the hall as she rubbed her fist, wincing in pain.

"That'll show her," the young man sitting next to Hanford said with a grin.

Another man nodded. "She needs to learn some respect."

Hanford found himself increasingly uncomfortable with this display. What was wrong with these people? She was just a child. Hanford thought back to his days aboard the pirate ship. It had never been his idea to be a pickpocket and a thief; Shrike had simply beat it into him. She's no different, he thought. Her parents raised her to be rebellious. Why not punish them?

As if the Dean could read his mind, the man continued, "Her father must also be taught a lesson. For next time, were she to be caught again, she will face execution. I have saved her from such a destiny." He paused for effect.

The energy shield vanished, and the girl lunged at the Dean. Her cry of pain was audible as a mild stun shot reached her from a curious-looking round floating droid moving toward the dais. Hanford squinted at the unit from his vantage point. Was there a needle attached to that thing?

"This device will ensure her compliance and complete her reprogramming. Now, Lelila, will you bow before the Emperor?"

"Never!" she shrieked. A thin flare of electricity shot out of the probe and crackled over her skin. Hanford was close enough to smell singed hair. He felt sick. The girl wailed and began to cry for her Daddy. The students around him snickered.

With a solemn nod to the assembly, the Dean added, "She must learn obedience. She shall serve her Master well."

"I will never serve the Emperor! Never!"

Hanford flinched as another flare hit the girl. He could well remember his beatings at the hands of Shrike. He had seen enough.

Slipping out of the meeting room, Hanford ran toward his quarters, feeling queasy. What had he gotten himself into? Was the promise of a warm bed and a steady paycheck worth this? But he knew the answer: he was young, uneducated, and untrained. He had no where else to go.

Thankfully, the corridors leading to the student quarters were empty, with everyone else at the meeting. Hanford threw himself onto his bed, cursing his weakness. His stomach roiled. Why hadn't he stood up for her? He was good with a blaster and she was only a child.

If it ever happens again, he promised himself, I won't stand by. No one will get tortured on my watch. But even as he whispered the words to himself, Hanford Solomon wondered. Do I have the courage to be that brave?


	3. The Confession

After a desperate scramble through the apartment, Leia found Han's laser lockpick. With effort, she managed to force the refresher door open. Her husband looked up at her from the tile floor with red-rimmed eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Leia," he whispered. "I didn't know it was you."

She turned off the now-cold shower and squatted next to her husband. Speaking softly, so as not to startle him, she asked, "What're you talking about? What happened?"

"I didn't save you!" he hissed, tears brimming in his eyes. "I let that madman torture you. I don't deserve to be your husband." With that, he bolted and ran toward their bedroom.

Oh, no, you don't, Leia thought. She chased after him and managed to get into the room before he could lock her out again.

Han turned away from her as he dressed. After pulling on his boots, he said, "I'm going out." His tone sounded almost normal.

She blocked the door. "No, you're not. You are not running away from this, Han. You're in no condition to fly."

Fully clothed and armed with his blaster, Han squared his shoulders. "Get out of my way," he ordered, coldly.

She glared up at him, furious, her brown eyes flecked with gold, the same defiant gaze she had given the Academy Dean so long ago. "Never!"

Han heard her voice now, echoing her childhood defiance of years past, and the sudden merging of memory with reality rendered him helpless. His eyes went slack as he recalled her screams, the agony of her terror reverberating through his mind. Sliding to the floor, he collapsed, fetal position, with his head cradled on his knees.

Leia dropped next to Han and pulled him into her arms. "Sweetheart, we need to talk about this. You're scaring me." She eased his blaster out of its holster and slid it out of his reach, relieved that he didn't try to fight her for it.

Han shuddered instead. "You'll hate me." He curled into a tighter ball.

She tightened her grip, gathering as much of his large frame into her arms as she could. "Han, I could never hate you."

"You should." Hands over his face, Han was weeping now, completely broken. Leia wondered if she should call someone. Chewie? Luke? A medic? A crisis line? But she didn't even know what was wrong.

"Please talk to me." A sudden inspiration struck her. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Han nodded.

"Sweetheart, it was just a dream," Leia soothed.

"It was NOT just a dream!" Han pulled away defiantly and stared into her eyes. "I was there. I was there the day you were tortured and I didn't do anything to stop it!"

Leia was nonplussed. "Well, of course you did, Han! That's the day you rescued me. That's how we met."

"No," Han replied, still looking into her eyes. "The first time you were tortured." Tears were forming again and he looked away.

"The first time," Leia repeated. The memory was faint, walled away by layers of mental protection that she had locked in place over the years. Sudden recognition dawned. "You were there for the Dean's motivational speech? You were one of those kriffing idiots who laughed as he stun-bolted me?" She shivered and drew back from him, pulling into herself, absently rubbing the knuckles of her right hand. "Thank the Maker my father got me out of there."

"No," he said with resignation, reaching for his blaster. "I never laughed at you. Not once. I hated myself for not standing up for you."

Leia heard what he didn't say aloud: I still hate myself. His unspoken thoughts gave Leia chills. She grabbed his hand, preventing him from taking back the weapon. "What did you do?" Her eyes searched his face.

"I went back to my quarters and threw up." He wouldn't meet her gaze. "I was young. I didn't know what to do, but I knew that it was wrong to just stand there. I hated being a part of the Imperial Navy after that. I hated myself for being so weak." He lifted his head and looked at her, really saw her for the first time that morning. His eyes searched hers for understanding. "I promised myself that if it ever happened again, I wouldn't stand by."

Leia took a deep breath and smiled. "And you didn't. You saved Chewie. You rescued me. You're a good man, Han. You kept your promise."

Han shook his head. "I almost didn't. I didn't want to get anywhere near Darth Vader. It was Luke's idea to rescue you. I was ready to leave you there." Frowning, he concluded, "I would have left you there, Leia. I was a coward." He closed his eyes.

Leia drew him back into her arms and embraced him, thankful that Han had finally let her in. It was so rare that he showed any weakness, even to himself. They sat quietly together for a long time.

Han reached for Leia's right hand and caressed the small scars on her knuckles. "Can you ever forgive me?" His words were small.

"Yes, Han. I already forgave you." She withdrew her hand to gently rub his shoulders. "For better or worse, Nerfherder." Leia nuzzled his neck. "I love you."

He finally relaxed in her arms and turned around to hug her. After they shared a tender kiss, he smiled. "I love you, too, Princess."

THE END

* * *

Thanks so much for reading! Now I'm wondering if I should do a follow up. Obviously, Luke is going to show up at their door in a panic. And is Han really okay? Or will Leia drag him off to therapy? Maybe Han and Leia in couple's therapy? Hmmm ... so many possibilities. What do you think?


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